All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize