Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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