I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
