from now on my penis is your penis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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