i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
