Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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