Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
