mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
