K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
