my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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