You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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