you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
