So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
