worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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