The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
