I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
