nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
