i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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