i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
