So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
