I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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