I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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