the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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