I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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