so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
