I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize