i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
