Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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