i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Who died my cat blue again?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
