dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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