WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
