Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
