I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
