Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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