So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
