Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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