her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
