I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
