Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
