the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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