your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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