I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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