i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
