Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
