I need help removing her.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize