i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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