Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
