I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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