I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize