Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
