I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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