Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
