Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize