just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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