The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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