I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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