the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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