My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize