i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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