theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
