I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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