I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
