I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
