and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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