What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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