Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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