I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
