My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
